Year in Review; 2015 Preview

• 2014 started on a sour note -- being called a "reject" but hopeful about getting back into dating.  I was also feeling ambitious and excited regarding building upon my 950 mile year in 2013. I had hoped to get back into boxing after over a year away.  

• February was my low point:  I lost my cat, Spike, after a valiant fight against diabetes, renal failure, and cancer.  Doubt started to creep in about my identity in the weight loss/health gain world after having a bad fall in the shower the morning of going to see Alton Brown in Baltimore (2/22) -- injuring both my head and lower back.

• A few weeks later, I finally went to my orthopedist to get my neck and back checked out.  Luckily, I didn't damage my implant or injure myself too bad, but I became scared about my back and worried that anything could injure it.  I retreated to a degree but tried to do what I could.

• I thought February was my low point, but it turned out that things could get worse.  In April, I went radio silent for the most part.  Unfortunately, the rest of my world wasn't silent -- my refrigerator's compressor died and my landlord refused to fix it.  This began a 2+ month battle of asking him to fix it, him telling me he wouldn't, and all the stress of not being able to sleep (cause of the noise) or not being able to cook for myself (because I had to unplug the fridge). 

• One morning mid-May I went to take a shower and found out that neither February nor April's lowest points were my actual low points.  Fighting with doctors to get care takes so much energy out of me, but as I have to live in this body (not them), I will continue to advocate for myself and fight for myself in more ways than one.

• June 2014 was a flurry of activity, including moving apartments and my epic road-trip through the South with FitBloggin 2014 as my final destination.  I still fought with the feelings that began in the beginning of the year of being an imposer, of having nothing left to give to this community. FitBloggin 2014 was bittersweet.  I loved seeing many of my friends, and missed many people who couldn't make it.  

• It took me a little while to wrap my head around my Fitbloggin 2014 experience.  One of the highlights was meeting Jeff Galloway, who had a special message for my father.  While the message was for my dad, I got something out of it too.  It reminded me that no matter our story, we have to fight to be the protagonist (we don't have to be perfect and we don't have to do anything all by ourselves).  July also came with a new little lamb in the family. 

• For me, finding my way back to my fight, to my story, began with allowing myself to feel the stress, pain, fear, and uncertainty of my life (all 33 years).  Far from a pity party, I knew I had to acknowledge and give compassion towards my suffering in order to let it find a resting place. 

• September marked 20 years without my mom.  

• The dark cloud of the past few months (okay, almost all of 2014) parted just enough for me to take a deep breath and take stock of things.  How did I want to steer the ship?   I was also proud to announce that I had been featured and quoted in a book by Ted Spiker.  Pretty cool, right? (Review Part 1, Part 2, Part 3.) 

• Via his book, Ted Spiker introduced me to Doug Newburg. Doug Newburg, in turn, scrambled my brain a little bit by asking me some deceptively-simple-but-actually-hard-hitting questions:

1. How do you want to feel everyday or about your life in general?
2. When, where, and around whom do those feelings happen?
3. What gets in the way of those feelings or takes them away?
4. How do you get those feelings back?
5. What are you willing to work for? 

• What did I want?  Love.  Connection. Belonging.  Honesty.  Oh, and I joined Weight Watchers at work.  16 week trial.