Love

When I first met Spike, I knew very little about him. WARL participated in the Shelter Animal Relief Effort (ShARE) that goes around DMV-area shelters and selects animals that they think they can adopt. In Spike's case, he was a 4-month old kitten from Baltimore scheduled to be euthanized. WARL intervened the day before he was scheduled to be put down.

Upon arrival at WARL, he was separated from the rest of the cats and held in quarantine until they knew what his health looked like. On the second day of his quarantine, I wandered somewhere I wasn't supposed to be (rules are meant to be broken, eh?). As I walked past his cage, he reached through the bars and took a swipe at my ponytail.


I had to convince my then-landlord that declawing cats was wrong and then had to convince WARL that I was the right person. But the adoption coordinator knew it when he saw Spike in my arms.

In 12 years, Spike never let me forget that he was the one who chose me and not the other way around.

So in a way, Spike was always living on borrowed time [especially after nearly dying last year after an acute bout of pancreatitis]. As he got sick, I only had two questions that I asked of myself and at the vet:  am I doing everything I can and is he in pain?

The chronic pancreatitis, diabetes, and renal failure were all too much too ask him to deal with, but he was a strong and brave kitty even til his last breath. His vet believes there may have been an underlying "diffuse cancer" (and perhaps a tumor that was compressing his other organs) that was making him uncomfortable. He would need round-the-clock care and fluids (his couldn't keep his blood sugar up). He wouldn't be able to come home.

So I did what I promised to him many months ago:  I would find the courage to make the hardest decision I ever could. I would love him enough to let him go. I brought Jack with me in the hopes he could bring Spike comfort and so he could understand. And as his vet (and friend) injected the sedative and other drugs into his IV port, I held him close, tucked his head under my chin, and said the only thing I could:  "I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you."