Living Up to the Brand

I (hesitantly) started FatGirlvsWorld in 2009.  I had been blogging for nearly 10 years prior, but I felt like the topics that I wanted to discuss about my body weren't a good fit for that blog.

The very first Fitbloggin was 2010.  I hadn't heard about Fitbloggin back then.  I was still a neophyte when it came to fitness/health/weightloss blogging.  I was just finding my voice and just starting to find my community.

My very first year at Fitbloggin was 2011.  Gotta admit that I was the one who had fitcrushes on some people.  Tara and Sharla got to see me have an epic emotional breakdown upon just meeting them.  I think I may have squeezed the stuffing out of Carla and squeeeeed with delight upon meeting Josie.  I may have stalked Alan just for the hugs. In Amy and Elisha, I found people just as warped as I am.   In other words, I realized that not only had I found my community, but my community had found me.

In 2012, I hesitated to go to Fitbloggin.  I felt like a complete fraud showing up at a fitness conference when I had done so little to take care of my own body.  Not only was I physically broken, but I was emotionally broken.  I shut down and clammed up when I should have realized that my community was there to support me.  In the end, I am so glad that I went.  I didn't realize that the story that I was afraid of telling (about injury, depression, healing) was a story that people were able to connect with and needed to be told.  More importantly, by leaning in to my fears and doubts, and on my friends/community, I left Fitbloggin12 feeling invigorated and hopeful about my prognosis.  (I have a sneaking suspicion that it had to do with a little heart-to-heart with Janet and a message of love shared between Roni and I, both all about honoring what our bodies could do.)

Fitbloggin2013 just wasn't going to happen for me. Financially, physically, emotionally.  I just didn't have it in me.  For as much as I wanted to join you all in Portland and visit the Pacific NorthWest, it just wasn't my time.

I always saw the FatGirlvsWorld Brand as someone whose tenacity (okay, and hugs) was a force to be reckoned with.  But the past two years really made me doubt that.  It made me doubt that I had anything left to say, anything left to give.  But perhaps that is my story -- despite getting knocked down, I always get up.

So....118 days until Fitbloggin2014 in Savannah and I'm still debating about whether I should go or not.  Okay. I lied. I am not debating.  I'm just probably going to wait until my next paycheck to make it all happen.  After the year I've had so far, Kelly makes a great point:

So I think that means I have 118 days to get my mind and body ready for Fitbloggin2014.  About time, eh?  My promise to you all is that FatGirlvsWorld, the relentless crusader for health and wellbeing WILL show up.


[Update:  Okay, I couldn't wait....]