Full Circle

People always ask me "I'm overweight and I don't know where to begin."  I always tell people to start where there's joy. In other words, I tell them to think about their childhood and the types of games they liked to play.  If I didn't have someone to play with (tag, basketball, catch), I would grab my hula hoop, Skip It, or jump rope. 

This is how you start working on undoing the mentality that exercise is a punishment or chore.  It's fun!

My dear cousin Efrat made me this adult-sized hoop two years ago (check out this video on how to make a DIY hoop -- think about having a hoop-making party with friends!).  I love hula hooping (check out this video of me hooping!).  It's something I can do while watching a movie, or listening to music.  It helps me loosen up some of the muscles in my back that get stiff from overcompensating for my spinal injuries.  And it's FUN!

The building where I live has a rooftop with a great view and a pool.  I am a child of the summer, of the beach, of swimming and of the pool.  I'm also Irish and burn easily.  Mea culpa on that one, I shouldn't have been as cavalier about being outside (Instead of 20-30 minutes in the sun without sunblock, I had an hour in the sun before putting SPF40 on).

But what was I doing in that hour?  I was hula hooping in a bikini while listening to music. For the first 20 minutes I was alone, but then I had company.  My first instinct was to cover up.  Who wants to see the fat girl hula hooping by the pool? (And compared to all the other girls that normally frequent the pool, I am the fat girl.) (But yes, lil sis, I'm still working on my body and mind to stop seeing myself as fat... it's a struggle).   

But I sat with that feeling for a second.  Instead of imagining people looking at me and judging me, I tried to change the mental dialogue into them looking at me and being jealous that they didn't have a hoop, or impressed that I have such awesome moves, or even just happy for me that I was doing something I loved.  The anxiety always passes.  The grace always returns.  The sunburn lasts.

My mental process has been up, down, and all over the place.
I have my sights set on undoing the weight I gained from taking my foot off the pedal last year + the four months of inactivity due to injury.  It was so much easier when I had a goal I needed to achieve. 
The biggest part of the my journey has been in trying to find a "new normal." Finding balance. 

I have been hemming and hawing in regards to this -- letting other things take precedence.  "But I don't want to re-aggravate my injury" is a valid concern, but "I want to drink 7 beers and drink fried food" is not.  I need to remind myself of why I undertook this journey.  I want heath. I want weight loss. I want to look at myself in the mirror and know I've done everything in my power to honor the commitment I made to myself at the beginning of the journey.