I was having a chat with a Twitter friend the other day about the general state of dating, my recent past, my general past, where I am now, and what I'm looking for. But we mainly focused on one issue that I have a hard time wrapping my head around: whether a guy is truly interested in me versus whether I am a convenience.
Can I trust guys to be direct/honest? Can I trust guys to be honorable?
I don't think this is a size issue -- I think thin girls go through this as much as bigger girls, just in different ways.
I don't think this is a gender issue -- I know just as many guys that are wary of women for similar reasons.
I'm not sure if it's an age/maturity thing -- because there's as much bullshit when you're 16 as there is when you're 30.
I think this comes down to me as a person as much as society at large.
I do not like being used. No one does.
But more than that, I do not want my good nature to change.
I like being the person that is trusting, direct, and in touch with her emotions.
I resent the men who try to change that by abusing my trust. I resent and refuse to play "the game."
And while I feel bad for me, I feel even worse for the guys have to deal with the fallout from my bad luck with their predecessors.
Being a princess in a tower sucks.
Waiting around for guys to get their act together sucks.
Slaying dragons on my own sucks.
So until then, I just gotta dish out as much suck as I take.
You know that "three date rule" you keep on hearing about? Well I don't care. If a guy is truly interested in me, not just getting some hanky panky, they can bide their sweet time until I can figure out whether they are legit or not.
Oh, and I can also invest in AA batteries.
I think this comes down to me as a person as much as society at large.
I do not like being used. No one does.
But more than that, I do not want my good nature to change.
I like being the person that is trusting, direct, and in touch with her emotions.
I resent the men who try to change that by abusing my trust. I resent and refuse to play "the game."
And while I feel bad for me, I feel even worse for the guys have to deal with the fallout from my bad luck with their predecessors.
Being a princess in a tower sucks.
Waiting around for guys to get their act together sucks.
Slaying dragons on my own sucks.
So until then, I just gotta dish out as much suck as I take.
You know that "three date rule" you keep on hearing about? Well I don't care. If a guy is truly interested in me, not just getting some hanky panky, they can bide their sweet time until I can figure out whether they are legit or not.
Oh, and I can also invest in AA batteries.
7 comments
Bull on the three date rule. Even a guy who is being really honest will tell you that they think a girl who puts out after three dates makes him lucky, and not her a rule follower. (That is not to say that girls who put out after three dates are whores, just that men hope for it but don't expect it.)
ReplyI think there is actually more bullshit as you get older because when you are 16 no one knows how to play the game so everyone is floundering around. At 30, some have it perfected and others are still floundering. Unfair.
I think honesty is the best policy in the dating game. Don't talk about what you are going to name your kids on the first date- mystery is good- but lying is not. If you put it out there, he can only take you at face value and that's a good thing!
Get em girl! RAWR
ReplyNonny Mouse:
ReplyI don't care about the three date rule. I really don't. For the reasons you write and more -- in DC, sex is easy to find, easy to be had. And i am a contrarian. I like to go against the grain. One of the posts I hyperlinked to was about why I was celibate for a few years.
After I hit post, I wondered about the difference between dating at different ages. The baggage is different -- and you're right, people at 30 have learned the game, have some baggage, or are just fed up. But i refuse to be like a firefly that gives up on fighting the right match as time passes (out of desperation, biological imperative).
I try to be honest. I don't try to hide who i am (people often say that i come off as intense...but that's because I'm, you guessed it, intense!). It does no one any favors if you try to hide who you are just to make someone else feel comfortable. You don't beat them over the head with your personality, but you don't dull your shine either.
Misty: I'm more "mew" at the moment, but working on my Rawr.
I'm married, but when I think back, I can really see clearly the "game" that was played with past dudes I dated. Gah! I would do so much differently now (obviously). It's good that you're considering this stuff now. I was too naive back then to even examine the issue/questions as you are right now (kudos to you). Keep those batteries charged until the Honorable One finds you. He WILL show up. ;)
ReplyMs. Yum:
ReplyDid you find that you didn't need to play a game with Husband?
I think you point out something very interesting though, and something I failed to mention in many of my other posts -- that for so long I felt like I was the one who had to prove I was worthy of a guy. Au contraire mon ami, they're the ones that have to prove they're Honorable and Worthy of ME.
As it should be, yanno?
i think the key is to surround yourself around positive, honest people -- people who are entirely comfortable with themselves in every aspect of their lives. we all need positive people in our lives, and it manages to weed out most of the really terrible people. out of the rest, you have to use and trust your instincts -- people reveal themselves but you have to pay attention to what they say, how they say it, what they do, how they do it and so on. unfortunately, there will be some time wasters in the bunch but you'll have a better sense of them.
Replyif anything, those people who are worth your time will not only be positive and offer something to you, they'll be fairly consistent because they'll be honest and things will add up to you on an implicit level. you'll feel like you're on the same page with them or like you can get on the same page with them.
WRH:
ReplyI think your'e 100% right.
It's not my job to fix guys (nor is it their job to fix me). The right person for me is the person that sees me as a whole person as is.
I think that time/patience is the best way to weed out the wrong people. The wrong people seem to be on some sort of schedule/clock. When they're not getting what they want on their own schedule, you start to see the cracks.
I don't think I've ever been in the same book with a guy, let alone the same page.
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<3 Robby