FatGirl vs World

Or in my case, 553.89 miles.

October — 120.16 (exceeded goal)
November — 35.8
December — 49.5
January — 20.13
February — 102.1 (exceeded goal)
March — 103.7 (exceeded goal)
April — 0 (rut roh)
May — 27
June — 10
July — 10
August — 21.5
September — 54

As you can see, there were good months and bad months (things got hard as I tried to balance boxing and running). BUT... That is the most miles I've ever run in a year.  Heck, it's probably more miles than I've run in the previous 29 years of my life combined. 

In other words. VICTORY!! I can't wait to see what I can do in the next 12 months (or rather, the next three and then... the NEW YEAR).

Yep, that's right -- it's the ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY of the ORIGINAL #OctGTD Challenge (it's now #GoTheDist).  How time flies runs/walks/bikes/swims, right?  See GTD for more history behind #GoTheDist!

I'm super proud of anyone who has signed up—regardless of the miles they have put in or the number of months they participated—and extra proud of the people who saw the month through.  What we learned is that the challenge wasn't about the distance, but rather the journey.  I never knew just how much the simple concept of "let's not measure ourselves in pounds" would take off and change lives.  Kudos us.  We're awesome.

I was thinking about doing a throwback regarding October (going themeless) but it's become one of my favorite parts of the challenge.  It gives me something to think about when I'm running, or even when I wake up.  So... without further delay, I present...


<"a href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0Ap5ByzNXXC9NdEZxSm1tZllneU5zZU56cWhEd3hJNVE&hl=en_US#gid=0"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0tg4JnIUYiUbTaz62K3IrC0FdCVLefFworqgMmTenzn23N4Apg_jfFBE_U5xkHIVQycYz4v53_fNfTvR_r5IxwxrRgmgcvGtusEj8ZqFNwrQ7wEeDSLnMB_ONeoGW4pHDJYes2FbLuRs/s320/mask.jpg" height="300" border="0">
The first thing I think of when I change my calendar to October is HALLOWEEN! Remember when you were a kid, you'd start planning your halloween costume as you were going through the current year's candy haul? Well, that's what I did. All through the year I'd think of different things I'd want to be for halloween, from the predictable to the extraordinary.

But they all represented things I thought I was unable to manifest in myself, except through putting on a costume: the dignity, beauty, and grace of a princess; the strength and virtue of a superhero; the intelligence and badass dance moves of a robot, etc.

So this month I want to think about what you fantasize(d) about being for Halloween, either as a kid or even now and what those things represented to you.  Who could you be in those costumes that you couldn't be in your own skin?  And if possible, try to be those things (you determine the extent) without having to hide behind a mask.  You can be a princess, a hero, a robot, a cowboy, or an astronaut without having to ever change your clothes—just change your attitude.

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How to Join:

1. Click on the SUMMARY PAGE (bookmarking it would be a good idea as you will be using it often).

2. Fill out the next available line on the "Summary" spreadsheet (do not use Columns F or G, J or K -- they will automatically calculate once link your sheet).

3. **CREATE YOUR INDIVIDUAL PAGE** (This is a NEW step. Duplicate the "Participant Sheet." If you're comfortable working in spreadsheets you can edit it where it should repeat your personal information. The formula line will look something like "=Summary!A2" -- replace the 2 with whatever line you are on the summary spreadsheet. For =Summary!B2 do the same, etc.).

4. Rename the tab "@[twitter name]" or if you don't have Twitter "[nickname]"  (If you want to link your page back to summary spreadsheet, go for it.  It's a huge help. Column F will look like this (minus the brackets):  ='[your tab name]'!D43  Column J will look like this (minus the brackets):  ='[your tab name]'!E43)

5. Fill out the sheet as you wish.

6. Update your own individual page as needed (if tracking is too hard, consider printing out your page and filling it out by hand and updating it online once a week). The total mileage will automatically be updated on the Summary tab as you report on your individual page.

7. Follow #GoTheDist on Twitter for support if you need it or to support others when they do, to announce achievements, and find new/old friends!

8. PLEASE DO NOT DELETE LINES OR TABS! Do not SORT.  If you want to add columns, please add them to the RIGHT of the page.  Please do NOT move your page around! You CAN bookmark your individual page using your browser to find it easily.

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I'm also quite happy to see how #GoTheDist and #MeFirst can work hand-in-hand.  Consider taking the #MeFirst pledge!

So grab your #GoTheDist buttons, use the hash tags for each month, and get out there! We're all behind you!

At the end of the month consider answering these questions:

• How do you think you did over the course of the month?  
• Did you overestimate or underestimate your capabilities?  Why is this?  Is this representative of a larger trend in your life?
• Did you learn anything about yourself while doing this? 
• Can you apply what you've learned in #GoTheDist somewhere else in your life? 
• Did you make any new friends through #GoTheDist -- were you able to support each other?
• What was the hardest part of the challenge?  (physical? mental/psychological?)
• What do you think you did really well this month? (doesn't have to be about #GoTheDist)
• What do you think you could improve on? (again, doesn't have to be about #GoTheDist)
• No matter the numbers you already entered, are you going to finish strong, or taper off? 
• Did you go the distance? And no, I don't mean did you hit 100% of your goal... did you put yourself out there and really try for it?  Is 80% still something you can be proud of?

Quick and Easy

I've been digging the Lean Cuisine Market Creations Sweet and Spicy Ginger Chicken (I wasn't as much of a fan of the shrimp scampi or the garlic chicken).  It's probably not the best or most efficient thing for people who have families (as it's a single-serving package) or who have time to cook for themselves (it takes 5-6 minutes in the microwave), but for a single girl that just ran 5 miles and then took a boxing class, it's a perfect base for my dinner (I usually add in a bit more veggies (tonight it's .75 cup peas) and there's more than enough sauce to go around). 

I'd give it a B+ because I'd gladly give up some of the noodles to get more chicken, and give up some carrots to get more broccoli.  

Mountain Building

I've been really sore and restless lately.  My diet is on point.  I've been good about hydrating.  I've been good about maintaining an electronic sundown and not tweeting from bed.  But I still wake up exhausted no matter how long I sleep.  I'm left with this one conclusion:  I am a badass.

Let me rephrase: it requires significant time and energy for your body to remodel itself.  Building muscle and burning fat requires resources and energy.  I liken muscle building to mountain building because of the great transformative energy required to create mountains.  We often look at a mountain and think it's always been sitting there minding its business, completely forgetting the earth shattering changes (literally) it had to go through to be a mountain.

So I'm going to try and not be frustrated at my body being sore and being tired all the time.  It's busy doing great things even in my sleep.

Follow Up

I came clean with Randolph tonight about the whole pull-up incident and all he said was "I know." 

I think this is the difference between a good trainer and a great trainer.  A great trainer will know when to push you into the epiphany and when to step back and let you come into it on your own. 

The truth is, no amount of this:
will bring back:

But tonight that's not going to stop me from trying.

Okay, maybe the title is overstating things, but here's how it went down (in paraphrase):

Trainer, Randolph:  Okay, everyone:  pull-ups!
Robby:  *hides*

Two people do their pullups

Randolph: (to Robby) Your turn.
Robby:  *shakes head*
Randolph:  Why are you afraid of? 
Robby:  *points to back* I don't think I can.
Randolph:  I did mine (he hurt his back last week)
Robby:  I'm afraid it'll strain my back. 

Another person does their pull-ups.

Robby:  Okay. I'm in.
Randolph: Just bend your legs (he was going to do an assisted pull-up)
Robby:  *tries to strong arm her way through it and fails, gives up after one try*
Randolph: You got to bend your knees.
Robby: I can't. I'm just not strong enough.

Another person does their pull-ups.

Randolph:  You've got this.  Just bend your knees and I'll help you.
Robby:  *mumblegrumblegruntbreathes* *knocks out 10 assisted pull-ups*
Randolph:  *that knowing look that Randolph does when he once again proves he knows more than you do*

I thought about my favorite lyrics 5 minutes later -- "There's a moment when fear and dreams must collide."  You must choose which means more to you -- holding on to fears that weigh you down, or hanging on to dreams that propel you to greatness.  That's the fight we're all fighting in one way or another, no?

In that moment, what did these lyrics reveal to me?

The lie:  I wasn't afraid of my back getting hurt.  My back was fine.  And if it hurt my back, at least I would go down swinging.

The fear:  Traced all the way back to elementary school and the Presidential Physical Fitness Test's pullups/flex-arm hang;  If there was one thing I was worse at than running the mile, it was trying to do pull-ups of the flex arm hang.  ((Raise your hand if you were also that kid would would rather get pelted in dodgeball than do anything that required upper body strength.))

The fear:  If I can't support my own body weight, how can anyone else support me?  I might've lost the weight, but there are still times my brain acts like I'm 240lbs.

The truth:  When I don't think I can, it's okay to trust someone telling me that I can, to let them believe in me more than I believe in myself.

The truth:  It's okay to trust that someone will catch me if I fall, especially when they've earned your respect in so many other ways. 

The truth:  People can provide the extra support I need to achieve a goal. It's not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of trust.

The truth: Try first before my brain decides what my body can or cannot do.

The truth:  Not a single person there wanted to see me fail. 

The truth:  "Someone I am is waiting for courage.  The one I want, the one I will become will catch me."

Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.  



flickr/squeezymoose

If you've ever been to the eye doctor, you're familiar with the contraption on the left.  Even if you've had the same prescription for the past 10 years, you still have to go through the motions of verifying the prescription.

The doctor sits you down, and you look through it to a far wall with some letters on it.  The doctor then selects different lenses and asks you to compare whether the first one was better/clearer or the second one.

Through this process, you and the eye doctor narrow down the choices as to which lenses suit you best for how your vision is at the current moment.

Which brings us to this....


Sometimes I need to take on a different lens.  Sometimes when I sense critical feelings welling up inside of me (such as when I'm looking at my stomach/abdomen), I try to change the lens.  Sometimes it's through the eyes of a photographer or artist, sometimes it's the eyes of a lover (real or imagined).  The point is that we are not only our own worst critic, but we also look at ourselves/scrutinize ourselves much more closely than anyone else.  By imagining someone else looking at us, we take a step back.  It's an issue of perspective more than anything else.


that got me thinking about a quote from Michaelangelo (who unfortunately doesn't have a verified twitter account): 

“In every block of marble I see a statue as plain as though it stood before me, shaped and perfect in attitude and action. I have only to hew away the rough walls that imprison the lovely apparition to reveal it to the other eyes as mine see it.”

Well... isn't that we're all doing in regards to weightloss/healthgain? In our heart of hearts, we see the person that is trapped behind the fat (in another tweet over the weekend I said "Too bad I can't make my fat do the workouts and let the rest of my body relax. Excess body fat is a hostage taker.").  Just like a statue is imprisoned by the marble around it, our healthy selves are imprisoned by the fat around it. 

Stephen is right -- we are each sculptors and artists and it's our duty to liberate the art that is our true self, if not to add beauty and joy to the world, but to liberate the person stuck inside.

This really pisses me off:

"I know that I needed help to lose weight and I wrote to Dr. Phil, Oprah, Dr. Oz, and nobody would hear me or respond, so I decided to get in contact with Guiness Book of World Records.  And I thought I am already this size, so I might as well take advantage of it to get my story out there.... so I could get some weight loss help."  

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!

I need to take a deep breath here because there are so many things going through my head:

1. This isn't the first person who has felt the need to gain more weight to get help.  I've heard many stories of people trying to GAIN weight so they qualify for a weight loss surgery.  This is so effing backwards.  In my opinion, health insurance companies should not pay for weight loss surgery unless it is the only chance of saving someone's life (i.e., they are in dire straits and will die if the surgery is not done immediately).  If a person is able to exercise and go on a diet, they should.  I'm not talking about the gimmicky diets or the "I walk to my couch" exercise routine, but serious concerted effort.  Sadly, most health insurances don't cover dietitians or gym memberships/trainers.  People don't turn to Overeaters Anonymous, or ther similar support groups, such as Weight Watchers, out of fear or shame.  If someone were to break their back in an accident, insurance would pay for the rehab to help them learn to walk again. Most obese people need to re-learn how to cook, eat, exercise and live.  Why isn't this considered rehab?

2. It's a sad state of affairs that people are using morbid obesity to (a) win money or (b) get fame/attention.  What's more unforuntate is that the public is so willing to eat up these stories.  I'm even guilty of it myself after having watched Extreme Makeover: Weightloss Edition, The Biggest Loser, Heavy, Losing It, etc.  We like the stories of dramatic change even when it's not a healthy way to go about that change.

3. Dr. Phil, Oprah, and Dr. Oz were right to turn her away (if that is what she did) as she doesn't seem to be sincere in the least.  If she had the epiphany, she would realize that no one other than herself is (1) in her way of succeeding or (2) the key to her success.  If she truly wanted to lose the weight at any point in her life, she would have found a way.  But right now, the addiction to food is way more important to her than her health.... Which brings me to...

4. What this woman needs most is a PSYCHOLOGIST to figure out why she wants the attention, why she's a compulsive eater, and how that is all related.  Whether she recognizes it or not, it is related.  I hope Dr. Drew is able to refer her to an addiction counselor/psychologist who can work with her on a long-term basis. 

5. In my opinion and my experience, I belive that you don't get to choose your addiction (alcohol, drugs, food, Angry Birds), it chooses you.  But at some point you get Stockholm Syndrome and sympathize with your addiction/captor more than you are fighting it.  The addiction is most dangerous when you stop fighting it.  Resigning to your addiction and saying "this is just the way I am and always will be" is not the same as surrendering to it and saying "it is stronger than I am."  If you surrender, you are willing and able to get help.  If you are resigned, you don't think any help (diet, exercise, therapy, etc.) will ever work.

6.  When in doubt, send in Richard Simmons.  I think he may be the original Honey Badger.  Richard Simmons don't care how big you are. Richard Simmons don't care how long you've been fat.  Richard Simmons knows you can shake your tush and break the cycle of bad eating.

Very interesting video.

Thoughts?

The very first time I remember eating yogurt I was at Southside Hospital on Long Island.  My grandmother had just had a stroke and was being treated.  The yogurt was at the hospital's cafeteria.

I think it was plain, or even peach, I'm not sure which (I was 7 or so) but I ate it begrudgingly.  From that point on, any time I'd see yogurt or think "hmm I should eat this" -- I tasted the stale antiseptic chemicals from the hospital.  I just couldn't do it.

In 2002/2003ish, I got a new roommate (Katie) who introduced me to lots of different kinds of food.  Among those foods was Indian food and I instantly fell in love.  I never knew beans could taste so good (my mom would only make Campbell's Pork & Beans-- with maple syrup, brown sugar, pineapple or sometimes marshmallows).  I fell in love with the heat and texture of the food.

One of the things I couldn't get enough of was raita (a yogurt sauce that is similar to Greek tzatziki or Persian mast-o kheyar).  I couldn't believe what I was tasting.  It wasn't sweet, but it was savory.  It wasn't chalky, but it was sensuously palatable.  I realized that I didn't hate yogurt, I just didn't like certain kinds -- i.e., the overly sweet kinds with artificial flavorings.  In other words, I actually liked the yogurt but hated the things that masked its goodness.

I started playing around with yogurt -- sometimes straining out the whey (which I now know is bad, because that's where the nutrients live) and making a "cheese" spread, or adding spices, adding in fresh fruit or cereals.  I started trying different brands and figuring out what I liked instead of thinking I was going to have the same bad experience that I had the first time.

Yogurt (namely Chobani (raspberry, lemon, and mango are my favorites), but sometimes I stray to other kinds) is now a staple of my diet.  I eat it almost every day.  The daily ritual of eating my yogurt with breakfast (as it is my favorite way to get the protein that I need) always reminds me of how (1) food prejudices aren't always logical, (2) taste changes over time, and (3) that you can't lump all products together.

Go figure, right?

You know, someone asked me very early on "so... you just trust people to report their #GoTheDist numbers accurately?" 

Of course I do.
Why?
(1) I'm a very trusting person (and I try to surround myself with trustworthy people); and
(2) I'm not the one they're screwing if they artificially inflate their numbers.

Same goes for food logging -- who do you screw if you over/under report your calorie intake? It's not me. It's not your doctor, your trainer, or your dietitian.  It's YOU.

But trust me when I tell you this:  it's okay if you don't have the best workout or eat a little too much.  Pay attention to the trends. Pay attention to how you feel.  And then LEARN.  Put it in the context of "when I do ______________, I feel _____________."

When I run 5 miles, I feel awesome.
When I eat over my calorie target, I feel guilty when it's junk food.
When I look at the day as a whole, I feel confident that I can do better tomorrow.

This is how you go the distance-- small little steps and mental adjustments that add up piece by piece.

I really can't introduce this in any other way than repeating that this is the story I'm always trying to tell (and never seem to get right) as well as the hardest story I have to tell:

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August #GoTheDist

For me it was an unfocused personal mess... Though I didn't meet either of my exercise targets and gained 5lbs, I achieved the theme of celebrating.  Between my birthday, my brother's wedding, my dad's birthday, a few other birthdays in the family and among friends, I definitely had lots of joy in my life (as well as some frustration for added contrast).

For some people it was yet another victorious month (how do YOU define it?).  Congrats to @Bambi_P, @OfftheDlistM, @phatteri, @x_factor, @dubyawife, and @siobhanmpalmer who all either reached their targets, or got really effing close.  Kudos to those who suck with it and put forth some noble effort.

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September #GoTheDist



<a href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0Ap5ByzNXXC9NdERtU1ZaUktmbGVicVllUEhWOFpfV2c#gid=0"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyExc2LnLgRUIrIQrukXkvVMzir_LKlCqy_wIQ68bJe4KuenAFrOF__KWqyzhSFzJCUcXAK15lcQdcVtgbTRBVdCzL2K5shcXop4afSmxTjnOMemFklLTyABU5jbXkxs7SpPk6ntdMcUw/s320/buddha.jpg" height="300" border="0"></a>
One of the recent themes of my blog/life has been failure and truth as well as how they relate to each other.  As usual when I'm feeling down, I turn to The Buddha, or Buddhist texts for some insight.  Why is this?  Look at the Dalai Lama, Thich Nhat Hanh, or even the new guy, the Karmapa Lama:  they seem to witness so much suffering in their own personal lives or those of their countrymen and peers and yet they find a way to smile from the very depths of their hearts. I figure they know something.  And I want to know what they know.

It becomes almost circular at some point with Buddhism.  For all of the teachings, for all of the teachers, there is an intrinsic sense of truth that cannot be coerced into being.  It blossoms with time and experience, knowledge and examination, patience and curiosity.  It's what some people call faith, some call noumenon.  Just one day it arrives and yet it had always been there.

So for September's theme, my question is "What is your personal truth; what is true to you today?" It doesn't have to be deep or serious, but it does have to be genuine. How can you (further) bring sincerity and truth into your weightloss/healthgain/fitness/life journey? Borrow a truth if you need one, or need some inspiration.

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How to Join:

1. Click on the SUMMARY PAGE (bookmarking it would be a good idea as you will be using it often).

2. Fill out the next available line on the "Summary" spreadsheet (do not use Columns F or G, J or K -- they will automatically calculate once link your sheet).

3. **CREATE YOUR INDIVIDUAL PAGE** (This is a NEW step. Duplicate the "Participant Sheet." If you're comfortable working in spreadsheets you can edit it where it should repeat your personal information. The formula line will look something like "=Summary!A2" -- replace the 2 with whatever line you are on the summary spreadsheet. For =Summary!B2 do the same, etc.).

4. Rename the tab "@[twitter name]" or if you don't have Twitter "[nickname]"  (If you want to link your page back to summary spreadsheet, go for it.  It's a huge help. Column F will look like this (minus the brackets):  ='[your tab name]'!D43  Column J will look like this (minus the brackets):  ='[your tab name]'!E43)

5. Fill out the sheet as you wish.

6. Update your own individual page as needed (if tracking is too hard, consider printing out your page and filling it out by hand and updating it online once a week). The total mileage will automatically be updated on the Summary tab as you report on your individual page.

7. Follow #GoTheDist on Twitter for support if you need it or to support others when they do, to announce achievements, and find new/old friends!

8. PLEASE DO NOT DELETE LINES OR TABS! Do not SORT.  If you want to add columns, please add them to the RIGHT of the page.  Please do NOT move your page around! You CAN bookmark your individual page using your browser to find it easily.

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I'm also quite happy to see how #GoTheDist and #MeFirst can work hand-in-hand.  Consider taking the #MeFirst pledge!

So grab your #GoTheDist buttons, use the hash tags for each month, and get out there! We're all behind you!

At the end of the month consider answering these questions:

• How do you think you did over the course of the month?  
• Did you overestimate or underestimate your capabilities?  Why is this?  Is this representative of a larger trend in your life?
• Did you learn anything about yourself while doing this? 
• Can you apply what you've learned in ##GoTheDist somewhere else in your life? 
• Did you make any new friends through #GoTheDist -- were you able to support each other?
• What was the hardest part of the challenge?  (physical? mental/psychological?)
• What do you think you did really well this month? (doesn't have to be about #GoTheDist)
• What do you think you could improve on? (again, doesn't have to be about #GoTheDist)
• No matter the numbers you already entered, are you going to finish strong, or taper off? 
• Did you go the distance? And no, I don't mean did you hit 100% of your goal... did you put yourself out there and really try for it?  Is 80% still something you can be proud of?