Fear

I've spoken quite a lot about degenerative disc disease as it relates to my back injuries.

But how about how it relates to my mother?  She had it too -- she had three herniated discs in her neck and three herniated discs in her lower back.  She didn't deal with it well (i.e., seeking therapeutic relief, trying to stretch or build strength, etc.).  I'd like to think that I've taken the high road by not drowning my pain in alcohol or pain medication as many people do.

However I live in constant fear of the progression of this disease.  My spine ages faster than most people's spines.  Not just my lower back, but all of my back.

For the past week I've been feeling pain in my neck and shoulder.  Sometimes my arm feels weak or numb.  I'm scared as hell that i have another bulging disc in my cervical or thoracic spine -- or worse, a herniation. 

Did boxing do it? Did running/compression do it? Did sleeping do it?  Any way you look at it, I'm scared to go through this all over again.  The months of rehab, the depression, the fear, the anxiety....

I mentioned that I would love to know what my body is supposed to look like -- i.e. what I'll look like at the end of this journey.  But really, my only wish is to have a healthy body.