"The one I want, the one I will become will catch me"

I've quoted this line before. However it came up in tonight's #MeFirst Twitter chat.

@Ellie88 asked: Q2: For the goals you are struggling with-What do you think the biggest block to achieving that goal is? #mefirst

FatGirlvsWorld: Q2: My struggle is realizing that I have to let go of some of how i was to be able to find who I am supposed to be #mefirst

FatGirlvsWorld: Q2: Rather, to quote a cirque du soleil song "The one I want the one I will become will catch me" I have to trust my progress. #mefirst

I think it's kind of like learning how to ride a bike. Some of us had training wheels. Some of us had a parent steady the bike until we could trust that we knew what we were doing and that we wouldn't fall (or if we fell it'd be okay). There is such great, immeasurable freedom when we just let go (of fear, of control, of pretense). I mean, we all remember that feeling when we looked back and saw that no one was holding on to the bike. We were coasting under our own power.

I think a big part of the LCJ (Life Changing Journey -- to borrow from Carver's's lexicon) is simply letting go of who we were (fat, depressed, unhappy, overweight, oblivious, frustrated, etc.) in order to become who we are now and who we will be. You can't be a butterfly if you stay in the cocoon (well I guess you could, but the whole point is to do some unfurling of your wings, right?).

So there's a leap of faith involved, but also a calculated risk. We enter the LCJ in the hopes that life will be better, we'll be happier, our health will bring good shit into our lives. But the leap of faith is not knowing what that person looks or feel like. We just gotta fumble our way through it sometimes. And you know what? It's totally okay.

[Just for the record -- my brother and I are 17 months apart. He got his big boy bike a bit before me (i.e. not a tricycle, though they are badass). When I got my bike (purple/white with a banana seat...of course), my parents took the training wheels off of my brother's bike and put them on mine. While they weren't looking I would ride my brother's bike sans training wheels. But heck, that's the kind of little girl I was...I knew the bruises, cuts, and scrapes would heal. Adventure was worth the risk. Somewhere I have a picture of me on the banana seat bike... it's friggin adorable.]