As I lay in bed this morning, burping up the fumes of last night's wine, I realized that I was off the path. Not only was I off the path, but that I had allowed myself to follow a tangent long enough that the path wasn't even in sight. I wasn't lost, but I sure wasn't found.
The toxic stomach stew churned a little as I tried to rehydrate. As bad as I felt physically, I felt worse mentally: hadn't I vowed to not do harm to my body? Hadn't I promised to make better choices? Sure it was fun in the moment and part of a celebration, but the mindless refilling of the wine glass was harm.
My whole body looked swollen and puffy in the mirror this morning. I didn't resemble the Robby I was so proud to show off.
I started to think about my journey and what I really wanted to achieve. It's more than losing weight. It's more than gaining my health. What I really want is greatness. (mmmhmm megalomania in the morning!)
(Okay, I'm (half-)joking about the megalomania.) I'm not talking about global conquest or immortal fame. For me, greatness is a more intimate aspiration. It is not a quality or quantity of lust, power, control or dominance. Greatness is being the entirety of that which you are capable of. If you are a lion, be the best effing lion out there. If you are a lamb, baah with your whole ovine heart.
I've always believed greatness is achieved by one of three ways (or sometimes a combination thereof): (1) complete chance/stumbling into it (2) through the orchestrations of another and/or (3) through personal committment.
Now I don't think you really can lose weight/gain health by chance. You don't trip over curb and lose 40lbs. And while people can support/nag you into losing weight/gaining health, they cannot do the work for you. The only option that's left is being committed to being the healthiest/most fit version of yourself. If you're committed with your whole heart and mind, the doors to greatness will open.
So my question to myself was whether I was still committed.
Greatness avails itself when it sees the actions of a committed individual, not just the words of one.
(thanks to @CariSports for pointing out this article to me. I think it's awesome that my favorite NY Giant player, Osi Umenyiora, and I share the same desire for greatness.)
(thanks to @CariSports for pointing out this article to me. I think it's awesome that my favorite NY Giant player, Osi Umenyiora, and I share the same desire for greatness.)
3 comments
What a great post! I love this idea of greatness!
ReplyIt would be so great if I tripped over a curb and lost 40 lbs - ahhh - now that is the life!
Maybe. But I think you might be a little harsh on yourself. Though you might not want to go drinking every night, putting yourself on mental and social lock down isn't healthy either. And if you worked for it, you should be able to take it out on the town!
ReplyPerhaps the answer isn't none, but moderate?
Dawn
I'm not very good at being a moderate... I am a little harsh on myself, but I'm quick to forgive myself too. I think for me the bigger question is "who do I want to be?" Because who you are is a sum of what you do.
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<3 Robby