"You look so skinny"

I love your blog because it addresses the many facets of emotional eating, and the deeper psychological reasons for obesity.

I am also on a weight loss journey, and I firmly believe I will only truly set myself free once I deal with all the emotional issues that got me to this point.

This post resonated with me because I grew up listening to negative body talk from my mother and sisters. I also had the pleasure of listening to pearls like:
"you're putting too much chocolate in your chocolate milk! Later you're going to complain you're fat." (older sister)
"You need to lose weight and become pretty to find a boyfriend and be happy" (this one was from my grandma)
"Mommy and you are over-weight, we need to lose weight!" (from my mom when I was going through puberty)
"You and I (coming from my mom) love to eat and can't control ourselves around you".

I also rebelled against my family's idea of how much I should be eating. I just wanted them to stop giving me their opinions and projecting their own self image issues upon me.

This ended up putting me in a cycle of emotional eating and not caring about having a slim body, because that was my way of rebelling and being myself.

Now I realize this reaction ended up harming me in physical ways, and I wish I would have had the presence of mind, back then, to let those comments roll right off me.

My mom still seems to include me in all her weight issues, and talks to me as if we were in the same boat. I have long learned to not listen to her comments, as we're in completely different boats.

Still, it's a bit disturbing. Just the other day I was sharing my positive cholesterol results and she said "your cholesterol numbers are so much better than mine!"

I don't blame my mom for my obesity, because i know in the end it all comes down to me. And yet... It would have been better to have grown up without listening to this kind of thing. So I'm trying my hardest to raise my 2 kids without making negative comments about body size (anyone's body).

Sorry I seem to have rambled on. Your posts bring it out in people! :) Keep blogging!

Sorry, I meant to write "You and I (coming from my mom) love to eat and can't control ourselves around FOOD".

I like "you look great!" much more than "you look so thin!" Personally, once the initial thrill of having everyone notice my weightloss wore off, it would just annoy me when anyone would comment. I was like, get over it already! Especially when the same people would always have to comment on it everytime they saw you. Now it's been a couple of years and people are just used to the way I look. Much more comfortable.

Hmmm...I prefer Hi! I'm so glad to see you today!

In all seriousness, we don't realize just how much the things we say (or don't say) STICK in our children's heads.

My own Mother NEVER told me or my sisters that we were beautiful. In her upbringing, saying such a thing to a young girl would "make them vain". She uttered the words the very first time on my wedding day, setting both of us to crying and needing fresh mascara.

I have some real issues with the way I look - I honestly can not see my self as pretty, which is sort of sad, because I think my sisters are gorgeous, and we all look alike! I work very hard at not passing on this attitude to my own daughters, not putting myself down in their presence and always telling them how lovely they are. Because they really are beautiful!

I remember when I went back to school in August after being gone all summer. The responses from my classmates were pretty humorous. I remember a few saying "OMG, you look like a totally different person", "wow, you look amazing", and "holy cow, you lost so much weight in such little time".

My favorite was the "you look amazing". All three compliments made me feel good. Of course, these people all knew that I was trying to lose weight - so I think in that instance, the compliments are different. If they were people that had no idea that I was losing weight - I might of taken the statments a little different.

I think you are totally right when you talked about what people think to be acceptable compliments referring to skinny people. I just think it depends on the person and situation on how compliments are taken. Around here, in Arkansas, if you said to someone "you look so healthy" - that would be a slur that you're packing a few pounds. Weird, I know, but I definitely wouldn't want that to be something said to me where I live. I hear people describe people using that very term "well, she's a healthy girl - but she has pretty eyes". Translated: She's a heavy-set girl.

I guess it really depends on situations - and I guess, location. If people know I'm trying to lose weight, then I don't hold anything against them complimenting me on it.

I've rambled on and on - not really sure if my point is clear..hopefully it is.

Mmmmm. love this post because I believe that my parents have much to do with my disordered eating. i especially love this line: "If I wanted a chance at happiness myself, I'd either need to figure it out myself, or do the opposite of what they said."

thanks.

Compliments are just that, compliments. Take them for the pat on the back they are meant to be more so than the actual words. Skinny as a word meanms different things to different people; to some it is a definition of healthy. To others it means that someone needs to eat a burger before they slip through the shower drain.

When in doubt break out the Billy Crystal, You Look Mavvvvvelous

The you look skinny comment is funny because skinny is also an insult. i mean "too skinny" or "sickly skinny" and then that is what I think of when someone says skinny. I have been referred to those things most of my life and it is awful.

I never know what to say to people. "you look good" I think sometimes complimenting their hair or something is what some people do instead of saying that they think they lost weight. A coworker was telling me about this recently. It baffled me. He was like yea i know she lost weight and has been working out but I didn't want to say that so I told her that her hair looked good.