Rotating the Tires

So, part of The Plan is to take better care of myself.  That being said, I've made a bunch of doctors appointments.  I've already had my dental appointment (and have the next one scheduled for before the wedding so I can get my teeth whitened).  I booked my gynecologist appointment and yearly physical appointment (have you?).  I also am going to an orthopedist on Thursday to take a look at my right knee (if it's in one position for too long it locks up and hurts quite a bit). 

I've also had a little bit of a setback.  I thought I could handle having a container of Double Stuf Oreos in my house, but it's not the case.  I had 5 with/after dinner.  It's one of my trigger foods -- where once I get the taste of it in my mouth, I have trouble sticking to what I know is a perfectly acceptable portion (2).  For some people it's potato chips, for some people it's alcohol.  For me it's sweets.  I even put a note on the package that reads "you are stronger than the cookies" and that didn't help.  My next step is duct taping the package closed.   When you're trying to pry apart layers of duct tape (1) you have to really want it and (2) it's a good mindfulness practice (yes, this is purely me trying to justify it...).

The thing is that I had a pretty healthy breakfast/am snack (strawberries, cherries, fiber one, cheese, and a little bit of ceviche to see how it was coming along), a healthy lunch (salad with low cal dressing (a la Chop't)), planned two Oreos for my afternoon snack, and had a dinner of ceviche, broccoli and rice.  I had planned for those two Oreos as a snack, and also made the choice to include them.  When I got home and went into the freezer for the third, that wasn't mindful. That wasn't a choice.  That was impulse.  But even then I was okay.  It wasn't until Oreo number five (350 calories of sugar and chemicals) that I started to beat myself up.  Oreo number six for the day was kind of like a "fuck it, I'm screwed already" move.  I regret Oreo nos. 4-6.

If you watch The Biggest Loser, it was almost comforting to hear a contestant who was in the final 4 admit that they sabotaged themselves and their chances at winning by slipping into old patterns.  We're all human.  We all make mistakes.  It's about whether we add the second arrow and sulk/punish ourselves or whether we identify what was going on, let it have its moment and get back to what we know. 

So while I regret Oreo No. 4, No. 5, and No. 6, there's nothing I can do about it other than let it go, learn from it, and work towards having a healthy relationship with these cookies.