So after being sick, I've gained back the weight, and a little more because of some emotional eating. This has always been my issue. The yo-yo. Up some, down some. Plateaus. And my cat even noticed -- he put his favorite toy on my wii fit to remind me to get back in the game.
I've written before that there were two main weight-gaining experiences in my life -- the death of my nana when I was 8, and the death of my mom when I was 13. I didn't have the emotional resources to deal with their deaths for a variety of reasons. The other part of it (and the hardest part for me to let go) is that the people taking care of me didn't have the emotional resources to help me, or to even recognize that there was a problem.
So now I'm on my own. And I'm the one that's responsible for my own success and my own failures. It makes the successes that much more sweet and the failures that much harder to rebound from. I also have another factor that wasn't present before -- alcohol. Just like food was when I was 8 and 13, I let my mind think the alcohol is a comfort. This is dangerous not only because alcoholism runs in my family, but because alcohol is empty calories and destroys my digestive system. The alcohol undermines the goals I've set for myself.
I know what's coming up in the near future, and I can't, I just can't repeat what's happened in the past. I need to find the emotional strength to face the pain head on and not try to swallow it.
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About Robby
- Fat Girl vs. World
- I'm 39 and have been overweight or obese since I was 8 years old. This is my journey to change not only my body but my relationship with it. And who knows, I might even meet some people on their own journeys along the way. To contact me privately, email me at FatGirlvsWorld@gmail.com
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6 comments
Sweety, I know you have that strength in you, I've seen it before, and you've stopped drinking any alcohol before. We're going to make this work (I lost 5 pounds in the last two weeks). Just do it.
ReplyYou know... I don't know if I want to quit drinking or not. I'd like to know that one day I can will be able to have one drink and be satisfied. I want to know that I won't use alcohol to delay the inevitable (emotions, events, reality).
ReplyThat's a good goal - one drink and that's all. I know a girl who paid herself $1 for every drink she passed up after the first drink and she saved enough money that year to pay for a vacation. But it requres making it VERY clear to others you do not want more than 1 drink which is not always easy but can be done!
ReplyBack when I first injured my back, I was on pain meds, muscle relaxers, and steroids.. in other words, some pretty serious stuff. I knew I had to give up drinking while on these medicines, otherwise I'd mess up my liver and possibly my kidney. Also, my mom had similar back problems and dealt with it by drinking a large amount of rum.
ReplyI didn't drink for 6 months, and it was easier than I'd thought it would be...except for what you pointed out -- the social aspect. People knew I wasn't drinking, and so they wouldn't invite me out -- they didn't want to tempt me. I appreciate it, but I'm just as happy going to a bar and ordering a coke or soda water as I am a vodka drink or beer. The isolation was pretty hard to bear, as well as realizing how much my group of friends drank. It made me wonder what else we had in common other than hangovers.
Now I'm off the steroids and the pain meds/muscle relaxers, and I'm not as worried for my liver. It's the calories that worry me. I started drinking more beer than I ever had (I had been a vodka/wine kind of girl, and sometimes both in one drink when it came to my sangria). My tolerance was all over the place and I started getting digestive repercussions, shall we say, from drinking.
My problem is that I actually like the taste of alcohol (like amaretto on the rocks with a slice of orange in it, or a nice malbec (what I'm drinking now)). Do i want to give up something that truly brings me pleasure?
The greater question is that I'll have to do this with so many other food and drink options. I don't drink soda that often, so that's a no brainer, but omg cheese. I love it in a deep way.
Yup, I hear you. But the social aspect, it's just something you have to teach your friends. I haven't been drinking any alcohol for 15 years. My friends know that, and they don't mind. They also know that they don't have to refrain from drinking themselves, so I do get invited. Just explain it to them.
ReplyI think it's easier to explain it to people as "I can't have alcohol" versus "I'm choosing not to have alcohol." I don't think I'm cut out to be a teetotaler and everyone knows it.
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<3 Robby