There's a moment where fear and dream must collide

I have fears about weight loss/exercise
1. injuring my back
2. losing my boobs (I know, how shallow!)
3. losing weight and then gaining it back
4. losing muscle
5. never feeling satisfied by weight loss

There are things I currently love about my body (my boobs, my curves, my muscles) and things I hate about my body (my stomach, flat ass, my thighs rub, back fat).

At some point i just have to decide that my fears are either reasonable (as in the case of my back) or unreasonable (people judging me at the gym) and whether the benefit is worth the risk.

I suspect that many people get to this point, especially people who, like me, have never seen themselves as a thin adult.  We don't know what we're working towards and if that person will be the same as the person we've grown with (both vertically and horizontally).

I wish could look into the future and see who I am meant to be, under all the fat. I look at myself in the mirror and wonder who I'm hiding. I hope she has some killer facial structure, some curves, strength and endurance.